Yeah... I'm kind of addicted to it, actually. God. I didn't know it's going to be addictive. It's what I do almost everyday. You know, updating and upgrading and editting pages. My mom gets tired of seeing me always out the house. It's either I'm at school (that would mean I'm either in class or in our HQ) or in an internet cafe. It's kinda fun, though. I always got something to do. Mom just doesn't understand my need to express myself and find an outlet to channel my creative ideas.

          Sometimes, it gets to me that I don't really wanna be a soldier. I'm just using the haggard military training to let out all my frustrations. See how badly frustrated I am?! That's because I've got so much energy but nobody gives me the chance to let it all out! She doesn't understand what I mean because she was born ages ago, that's one thing. I totally understand that although she doesn't understand me. Now that's unfair. But I'm not going to complain to her because then again, she wouldn't understand.

Is it my mom? ...or me?!

The age old question.

oh. don't forget to add me. www.friendster.com/sgtdonee

      First of all, do you remember when I said I had 12 buddies and 7 big brothers? well they still are my buddies and big brothers but over the past few months, lotsa things happened and left me only 2 buddies and 3 big brothers. I feel remorse, above all things. It's just so sad. circumstances caused them to quit the institution and nobody could help it.

     well, everything happens for a reason. I don't know what but in time, we'll understand. right now, I just feel sad.

     due to this huge loss, I became the battalion S4 (aka supply officer, one of the unit staff) and earned a table in the office. quite a promotion but still not reason enough to jubilate. next year, they have predicted that I'm gonna be the batallion executive officer (S3) that is next to the batallion commander. that's pretty scary and just by the sound of that, I can imagine a mountain of burden.

      all that plus my second year in civil engineering. what's even scarier is my mom & dad's reaction when they plot the slope on the cartesian plane of my report card. then the equation of my life would get even more complicated. just like analytic & solid geometry and differential calculus. multiply by the total number of homework i get every week and you get the final answer. make sure you reduce to simplest form and box it so the professor would spot it immediately.

good luck! (to me)

GOD it IS Christmas! my favorite season of the year... well, besides the presents and all the food we get during this occasion... THIS IS THE ONLY VACATION YOU GET WHEN YOU ARE A CADET OFFICER!!!

but that's quite all right. 2 days before dec25, we're doing GK. We've done that last year during CAT and I'm doing it again! i'm so excited!! and the day before that, we're gonna have a departmental Christmas party. 1800H --- the Battle of the Bands is gonna start. it'll end around 2300H and like it's not tiring enough, our upperclassmen, my buddies and I are gonna have a Christmas party among ourselves. maybe we're not gonna have any sleep again [like we always do when we're together]. we're gonna stay up all night doing miracles. not the "dirty" miracles. we're decent people, ok? it's gonna be fun fun fun!

however!

before all that fun, tomorrow until thursday is our prelim exams. but i don't care. not that i'm confident that i know EVERYTHING that's gonna come out but... i'm just tooooo happy to care! haha!

yeah here in our headquarters.regular instruction tomorrow... bye !!

that's my designation. god. look at the date.

I --- I mean WE--- have been busy since two weeks ago. we have been getting ready for our presentation of sponsors and cadets & sponsors' ball. that was last Friday. it was a blast, I tell you. if u were not there, you missed half of your miserable life.

being a cadet officer? I sacrificed a lot of things and I mean A LOT. i have almost given up my passion for music but you know what? ROTC recognizes talents and really make use of them. i thought i would never use them anymore since I got in but I was wrong. i'm also making use of my love for art and guess what? it's really useful.

i have also given up the comforts of my bedroom since we had to sleep in our HQ for a month. but whatever. I'm happy.

      I'm a cadet applicant now and I am under training. oooh yeah baby, you read right. In fact our Final Rites will be this Saturday. boy, am I thrilled. I don't know if I'll ever get home one piece after the weekend. i'm scared and excited at the same time. most of my friends back in high school whom i met this week told me i lost weight. so that means our training isn't that rigid, eh? hehe... it's only been a month and they noticed the change. gawd.

      but don't get me wrong! i definitely do not have regrets. I'm happy with the mess I put myself into. I got myself 12 really good buddies and seven big brothers. even if i go home at 9 and wake up at 2, i'm loving every moment i spend in our unit. sometimes, i find myself wondering if I'll pursue my engineering course or proceed to military but i went to my mom about this (through a joke) and she said she won't allow me. oh well. that's ok though. I also want to graduate an engineer. military engineer? ...hmmmm. I'll think about that.

      the bottom line is...

      I'm happy. (regardless of the friggin' school uniform. at least i get to wear my fatigue uniform & combat boots! and next week, Battle Dress Attire! damn! how cool is that?!)

            xoxox happy Donee xoxox 

this is it.

yeah college.

I better not complain now because this is just the introduction for the rest of the years I will be in college. now, the quizzes are still easy. more like a review of what we had in high school but wait 'til second year and the succeeding years. man. I'm scared and excited. I don't know what will come but I'm eager to face it too.

i also took ROTC. military training. some say I had complicated my life even more when I enrolled but whatever. the uniform is all worth it. can't wait to see myself in those things!

however, the school uniform sucks. terribly sucks. looks like we're doing a folk dance or something. i'm trying to get used to it though. i try to smile when i see seniors in uniform but all i could push is a fake one. bleah! I'll get used to it.

oh shit.

i'm wearing that for five fucking long years?! great. just great. if i just don't love civil engineering, i'd take a diffrent course in another school just 'cause of the uniform but no. that's too petty. i have to prove that i have matured.

this is sort of a shock for me at first. well of course, i came from an all-girl high school and all of a sudden, we're just five girls in class? who wouldn't feel uncomfortable? well that was during the first week but now i'm progressing. i'm friends with a lot of my classmates! it's fun. really.

Holy week. Yeah I’m feeling it. I’m kind of sharing in the Passion, too. Well, first of all, I have to give up the comforts of my dearly beloved home to stay here in the countryside for our uncle’s wake – for ten days. I don’t have anything against it. That would be so unsympathetic of me, considering he’s my uncle, for crying out loud. It’s just that, I’ll have to go back and forth from here to the city every time I would need to submit my requirements to my future university (yeah, I’m going to college in June!). That means spending more than an hour for travel, one way only. What’s even great about this is that I would have to commute because we couldn’t disturb our PUJ’s or that would mean deduction from the day’s income.

There is absolutely no problem with having to commute, really, if only I could remember places so well! At this age, I tell you (and I’m barely seventeen), I could still get lost, and although it sounds funny, it’s more like SCARY to me. Going to the city, well, I know I could do it, but going to the countryside? Hah. Poor little soul.

God. Somebody better teach me how to drive.

While I’m in our uncle’s house, I’m a waitress, serving and pleasing the visitors AND IT FEELS FUCKING AWKWARD.

For the first time, I have appreciated asthma. I keep making the smokers an excuse from going downstairs especially when the guests are growing in number. Well, I really should be staying away from smokers.

One more thing is that I’m not a social person. I’m not people-smart like my sister and I hate dealing with strangers. I’ve been into really awkward situations like being introduced to someone whom they say is my uncle’s cousin’s niece’s brother’s aunt and get pressured to give the stranger a kiss and pretend to be really pleased to meet her though I don’t actually give a stinking shit whether she showed up or not. I know what you’re thinking. I’m such an ungrateful little bitch but if you were in my slippers, you won’t help but feel this way, too. Unless you’re my sister.

Yesterday, I went to the city to get my permission to take the placement exam. On my way back to the countryside (with mom & sis), I had to sit at the back of the front seat (which they call “back ride”).  Well I wasn’t so comfortable, unlike the rest of the passengers in the van. It was frustrating because we all had equal fees yet I got the most uncomfortable seat in the world, with those ugly dudes at the farthest end trying to get my attention. I was so fucked up thinking that I would have to face everyone including those dopes for the rest of the friggin’ trip. Well if one of them offered his seat, there could have been at least a reason for me to be grateful.

Oh, if only my mom and my sister moved a little faster, in the first place, I could have been able to pick a suitable seat!

Another problem with me is that I couldn’t take a proper bath if I’m not in our bathroom. I couldn’t move waste either. It’s kind of psychological and I’m having a really bad time. It’s like my movements are limited. It’s such a disadvantage for someone who grew up in the city to be in this kind of situation. I’m just not used to it and have no intention of getting used to it. I love my life back in the city, at home.

If you really think about it, though, ten days is not asking too much. Besides, it’s Holy Week and since I couldn’t fast because there’s always tons of food everywhere, maybe this would be the only way for me to “fast”. These things that I had just complained about is nothing compared to Jesus’ sufferings and I have definitely no right at all to complain.

Oh well.

It’s just that, a lot of things took place and I haven’t been through the whole ten days yet.

Geez. I’ve written a whole essay.

last night i didn't get enough sleep cuz we're supposed to stay up all night at my ucle's wake. god, it's only been a month since my cousin passed away and now this. even if i try to get some sleep i couldn't cuz my mom kept snoring.

now imagine this: i got up at 5 and took off at six and came here 7:20. i walked til I reached school at 7:30 to pay and get my report card to have it photocopied so that i could submit some requirements to pass to my new school. god I'm really going to college! hah!

i'm still waiting for Loi cuz we're doing stuff together. she's not here yet so i decided to post a new entry.